STUPID FAX MACHINES

If you've been kinda dead to Hockey for the past week, you might not have heard about the hot water that the Chicago Blackhawks might be in. And GM Dale Tallon seems to be at the heart of it all. Apparently, he was lax in providing qualifying offers to some of their important prospects, Kris Versteeg, Cam Barker, Ben Eager, Colin Fraser, Aaron Johnson and Troy Brouwer were the names that I saw, via From the Rink. This debacle will likely lead to at least some of these players becoming UFA's. So what was Mr. Tallon thinking? Who knows, but it might have gone something like this:

Dale Tallon: Wow. Thank the hockey gods I remembered the Draft! I think we had a good draft, but I can't help but think I am forgetting about something. Eh, who cares, it's probably something I ate.


LATER

Dale Tallon: Let's see...Hmm. Hossa would make a good target, but I don't know if we can afford to keep up with his asking price. Probably another one year deal or something for a lot of cash. Tomas Kopecky would probably be a good fit too. I can't shake the feeling I'm forgetting something. I gotta stop eating fried peanut butter banana sandwiches.


LATER

Dale Tallon: You know, I really am bothered by this feeling I'm forgetting something. I should probably check what we need to fill next season instead of just picking players out of a hat--wait...what're these?!

*Picks up offer sheets*

OH CRAP! I THOUGHT I FAXED THESE LAST WEEK!

*Runs to fax machine and begins jamming the papers at it*

HURRY, HURRY!

*Continues jamming papers into the machine*


LATER

Dale Tallon (slumping into his chair): The hockey gods are really on my side I guess. If I waited a little longer, I might have lost those guys! I'd be run out of town on a rail!

*Sees something coming out of fax machine*

Dale Tallon (walking over to fax machine): Must be a confirmation letter and a scolding.

*picks up paper and starts to read*

Dale Tallon: TRANSFER FAILED?!?!

*picks up cell phone and hits speed dial*

Dale Tallon: Hello? Stan? Pull the car around! We need to get to Kinko's and FAST!


LATER, AT KINKO'S

Attendant (handing a packet of papers to a customer): Here you are, thank you again for coming to Kinko's!...what's that noise?

*The attendant turns and sees a car come flying through the front of the store. Dale Tallon flies through the windshield, rolling into the front counters. He stands up groggily and hands the offer sheets to the Attendant*

Dale Tallon: SEND THESE OUT NOW!

Old Lady: Excuse me young man. I was already in line.

Dale Tallon: THIS IS A MATTER OF NATIONAL SECURITY! IF YOU STOP ME THE TERRORISTS WIN!

Old Lady: Oh My! I'm sorry please go right ahead Mr President.

Dale Tallon (staring blankly at the little old lady): Erm...Yeah. Whatever.

*turns back to attendant*

WHY HAVEN'T YOU FAXED THEM YET!?

Attendant: You wrecked the fax machines with you car.

Dale Tallon: WHAT!?! STAN! WHERE CAN WE FIND A FAX!?

Stan Bowman: Jump in! I know a place!

*Tallon grabs the sheets and jumps into the car. The tires squeal as they speed away from the destruction*


LATER

Stan Bowman: We're almost there!

Dale Tallon: This time, don't drive through the front of the building!

*They see a train crossing the road ahead of them. Rather than wait, Stan Bowman floors it*

Dale Tallon: STAN! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!

Stan Bowman: TRUST ME! I WATCHED SOME CAR MOVIE LAST NIGHT!


LATER

*Tires squeal as a car slides into the USP Shoppe*

Dale Tallon: Keep the engine going, Stan, who know's what'll be wrong here! And we're running out of time!



Dale Tallon: That's starting to piss me off.

*Quickly runs inside*

Dale Tallon: Can you fax these for me!?

Attendant: Yeah, I guess. Here, give them to me.

*Dale Tallon hands them to the attendant who reads over them a moment*

Attendant: Shouldn't you have sent these a while ago--

Dale Tallon: TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE!

Attendant: Alright, alright.

*Sets them to faxing*

Attendant: That'll be $21.45

Dale Tallon: The price for procrastination, I guess.
*Reaches for wallet, but realizes he left it in his office*

Attendant: Sir, if you can't pay, I have to cancel the fax.

*Begins to walk towards the machine*

Stan Bowman (from the doorway): DALE! CATCH!

*Stan Bowman throws Dale Tallon a leather wallet. Tallon catches it and in one swift motion lays $22 on the counter*

Dale Tallon: There's you money!

Attendant: Oh. I already cancelled it. Lemme resend it.
...
...
...
Okay, they're sent!

Dale Tallon: I better remember never to let this happen again.

*Dale and Stan drive off into the sunset*