Campbell's Court - Matt Cooke Edition

Welcome to the newest feature here at the TH studios. Whenever there is trouble in the NHL: Headshots, Concussions, etc., one man has the power to make ultimate judgement on the event. Enter Gary Bettman NHL Senior Vice President of Hockey Operations, Colin Campbell.

This...is Campbell's Court

VO: Today's case pertains to a hit from the defendant, Penguins Forward Matt Cooke on the plaintiff, Boston's Marc Savard.



Bailiff: All rise for the most honorable Judge Colin Campbell.



Campbell: Thank you, you may all sit down. So, what happened here?

Matt Cooke: Well...

Marc Savard (in full body cast): He hit me your honor! Hard! In my head! That's why!

Campbell: ...that's why what?

Savard: What?

Campbell: That's what I asked you.

Savard's Lawyer: Your honor, my client has a history of more head trauma than Fred Flintstone. He's only played a full 82-game schedule 3 times in his career.

Campbell: ...and?

Cooke: And he's an idiot who didn't feel the hit coming

Savard's Lawyer: Objection!

Campbell: That's enough out of both of you. Defendant, speak when your spoken to. Lawyer, you will not make up words in my court.

Savard's Lawyer: Wait...what?

Cambell: So, Mr. plaintiff...Tell me what happened

Savard: I can't remeber so good! But I'll try. I shot the puck. Then I was on a stretcher. That jackass must have used black magic!

Campbell: Black magic!?! I will NOT have any color magic used in my league! OFF WITH HIS HEAD!

Savard: Off with his head! Off with his head! Burn the witch!

Savard's Lawyer: Isn't that a bit extreme?

Campbell: And throw the lawyer in prison!

*Two guards drag off Cooke, and another two grab the lawyer and begin to drag him away*

Lawyer: What the hell Marc?! You said it'd be different this tim-

*the heavy doors close, cutting off the lawyer*

Campbell: Damn I do lovely work.

*Pascal Dupuis pops up from under the bench*

Dupuis: Can I stop yet?

Campbell: DAMNIT FRENCHIE! YOU HAVE TO WORK FOR THIS $5!