Happy New Year!

The new year is bearing down upon us, and with just hours until 2009 is just a memory, I thought it might be a nice idea to bring in some of the NHL's big names for some New Year Lamentations. Enjoy!

Sidney Crosby: Welcome to the Lamentations 2009! I'll be half of entertainment, as I discuss some of my regrets from the past year, along with my co-host and made-for-television rival, Alex Ovechkin!

Ovechkin: I AM GLADZ TO BE HEAR!

Crosby: Well Alex, it has certainly been a memorable year for us, huh?

Ovechkin: I WON THE HEART TROPHY FOR HAVING MORE HEARTS THAN LINK!

Crosby: Isn't that delightful? Of course, we all know why is was a memorable year for me-

Ovechkin: YOU WON THE GOLD FORS DIVING!?

Crosby: Erm...No. I-

Ovechkin: WON GO-NUT PUNCHER OF THE YEAR?!

Crosby: That actually happened in 2008. Anyway-

Ovechkin: WHAT DO YOUS LEE-MENT, SID-KNEE?

Crosby: Well, I lament that, for another year, I have failed to give a riveting speech a la Independance Day. Or a post game interview that was worth watching.

Ovechkin: I NOES HAVE THAT PROBLEM. BUT I LEE-MENT I NOT WINNING STANLEY'S CUP.

Crosby: That was just an unbelieveable experience in my-

Ovechkin: I ALSO SORRY MALKIN STILL ALIVE. I TRY TO FIX IN OLYMPICS.

Crosby: How interes-wait...What did you just say?

Ovechkin: I AM TRYS TO WIN OLYMPICS!

Crosby: Uh...okay...

Ovechkin: I IS SORRY I HURTING TEAMMATE NOT MALKIN!

Crosby: You want to hurt Geno?

Ovechkin: MALKIN, GONCHAR, MALONE...WHOEVER.

Crosby: Ryan Malone doesn't play for us anymore.

Ovechkin: DOESN'T MATTER. I DO BETTER NEXT YEAR!

Crosby: Well, that's the spirit of this discussion...I think...?
Either way, that's about all the time we ha-

Ovechkin: POPPING THE CHAMP-GAIN!

Crosby: I think it's pronounced "Sham-

Ovechkin pops the bottle. The cork flys across the room and pegs Crosby in the genitals

Crosby: "-PAIN!"

Ovechkin: OH NOES! LOOKS LIKE SID-KNEE HURT GROIN AGAIN! LOLZ! NO OLYMP-EEKS FOR YOUZ!