Keith Ballard has a problem...

Keith Ballard walks into an official-looking building. He pauses to look over the directory, then continues down a hall to a room with a handwritten paper sign on the door. He opens the door and walks in.

Counselor: Welcome. Come on in and have a seat.

Ballard sits in a chair two sizes too small for any adult.

Counselor: So, why don't you tell us all why you're here?

Ballard: Well...I guess I could say anger problems...but I think I might be a sadist...

Counselor:Erm...Okay, that's not really what we do here, but I'm intrigued. Why do you say that?

Ballard: It all started a few days ago. I screwed up at uh...work...and I went to hit something. And I accidentally hit my coworker. Bad. Like bleeding out the ear bad.

Counselor: Wow. That's pretty bad. I guess when we get angry, we have trouble controlling our fists, but we must always rem-

Ballard: It wasn't my fist.

Counselor: Wait...what?

Ballard: I mean, I hit him with a... uh, um...with a *mumble mumble*

Counselor: What? Speak up, admission is the first step to recovery!

Ballard: I HIT HIM WITH A HOCKEY STICK!

Counselor: You did WHAT?

Ballard: I HIT HIM WITH A STICK. I FELT TERRIBLE! BUT HE SAID IT WAS OKAY! WE EVEN JOKED ABOUT IT ON THE PLANE!

Counselor: Well, if you've forgiven him, then all you can do is let the healing process begin. I'm sure-

Ballard: That was just the beginning though. After he forgave me, I so safe. It was like I could get away with anything...

Counselor: That's understandable, but you have to control-

Ballard: Then I did it again! Well, not the same way. But a rival. I tackled him. I lost my balance and fell over, but I WANTED TO HIT HIM! And I did! OH HOW I HIT HIM! RAN HIS HEAD INTO THE POST, I DID!

Counselor: Oh My God.

Ballard: I'M UNSUSPENDABLE! Don't you see? The NHL is cracking down finally! But I have escaped. No one would ever suspect a defensive defensmen of hating that which he protects! IT'S THE PERFECT PLAN! *Evil Cackle*

Counselor: Uh...O-of course. Perfect plan. I have to be g-going now. Good luck with that.

The counselor runs out, followed by the rest of the gathering, except one person.

Sean Avery: I like your style...

Ballard: Wait, what?

Sean Avery: I may have use of your services. But I will need you to prove yourself...

Ballard: Huh?

Avery: Listen. I just need you to take out Fatso, and I'll tell you more.

Sean Avery gets up and leaves the room.

Ballard: What just happened...?